In the digital age, social media has become a place where we share important moments of our lives, from professional achievements to dream vacations. However, this constant exposure to the seemingly perfect lives of others can create an unconscious comparison effect and distort our idea of success, beauty, and happiness. Many of us end up feeling pressured to live a “perfect” life, fearing that we’re falling behind compared to what we see online.
The Effect of Social Comparison: A Subtle Trap
Social psychology explains that, as humans, we have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others. However, social media takes this phenomenon to an extreme. As we scroll through images of people displaying ideal lives—photos from exotic vacations, perfectly arranged brunches, or happy family moments—an effect known in psychology as “availability bias” occurs. We only see what’s available, meaning the good times and successes, and tend to believe that this is the complete reality of others.
- Think of a person who spent hours editing a vacation photo, choosing the perfect angle and lighting. When this image is posted, it looks like that person has a dream life, when in reality, we don’t see the stress they experienced at work or the financial difficulties they face. A young woman recently shared how, shortly after posting a smiling photo on a tropical beach, she received an email rejecting her from a job she had dreamed of. Yet, the posted image remained online, and others only saw the “dream vacation.”
“Highlights” and Truncated Reality
Social media is designed to show, most often, only “highlights”—moments when everything seems to be going well. A study conducted by researchers at the University of Copenhagen showed that people tend to become envious and even depressed when viewing posts that showcase positive moments, even when they’re aware these represent a selection of the best moments.
- A woman who, despite going through a very stressful period at work, posts pictures from brunch with friends. This masks her stress and fatigue, but friends and acquaintances online see only an active and fulfilled social life. Similarly, a young entrepreneur might post images from a modern coworking space, reflecting a successful image. However, behind the camera might be an old laptop and the anxiety that their business isn’t doing well.
The Distortion of Self-Esteem through Filters and Editing
Another concerning phenomenon is related to the impact of filters and editing apps on self-image. Platforms like Instagram or TikTok offer numerous filters that can modify facial features, making skin smoother, the nose smaller, or lips fuller. Over time, users may start identifying more with the “filtered” image and become more insecure about their real appearance.
- A teenage girl shared that she used a beauty filter daily and began to avoid the mirror without filters, experiencing a significant drop in self-esteem. She felt her real appearance was “not good enough” for the real world.
How Can We Find Balance?
It’s important to remember that what we see on social media is generally not an authentic representation of life. Here are some strategies that can help:
- 1. Awareness of cognitive biases – We should be aware that we tend to see only the good moments and that social media doesn’t present the whole picture.
- 2. Periodic digital detox – Breaks from social media can be extremely beneficial to recalibrate and focus on our own lives.
- 3. Limiting time spent on social platforms – Setting limits can reduce the negative emotional impact of constant comparison.
- 4. Encouraging authenticity – Whenever possible, posts that show the less-than-perfect side of life, vulnerabilities, and challenges can provide a more balanced and realistic picture.
Conclusion: It’s essential to view social media critically and remember that each post represents only a fragment of a complex life. By accepting that real life has its ups and downs and that difficult moments are a natural part of human existence, we can protect ourselves from the pressure of constantly comparing ourselves to an idealized reality.
Daniela van Mourik
Psychologist