Loneliness isn’t just about being physically alone—it’s the experience of feeling cut off from meaningful connection. When you relocate, you leave behind the familiar spaces and relationships that once made you feel seen and understood. Suddenly, the everyday details—gestures, language, rules, unspoken social cues—are foreign. Even the smallest interactions can leave you feeling like an outsider.
This sense of unfamiliarity can lead to self-doubt. You may start wondering if you’ll ever feel truly connected again, or if something about you just “doesn’t fit”. These thoughts can become a trap into a cycle of loneliness. The more we believe that we don’t belong, the more we act in ways that confirm this belief. The more we dwell on not belonging, the more we pull away from opportunities to connect, deepening the loneliness we hope to escape.
Childhood Loneliness Revisited
For some, the struggle with adult loneliness can reopen old wounds from childhood. Maybe you felt like an outsider as a kid, too—unseen or misunderstood by your peers, or even your family. Those early experiences shape how we see ourselves, and when faced with similar feelings as adults, we often go back to the same patterns of behavior. The pain of childhood loneliness and disconnection resurfaces, reinforcing the belief that “I’ll never truly belong.”
It’s important to recognize this connection between past and present. The feelings of loneliness you experience now may be amplified by those old, unresolved emotions. And when we’re unaware of how our past plays into our present struggles, we’re more likely to stay stuck in the same patterns.
Breaking the Negative Cycle
The first step to breaking this cycle is awareness. Start noticing the ways in which your thoughts and actions keep you isolated. When you feel the urge to pull away, ask yourself: “Is this really what I want?” Often, our instinct to withdraw is more about self-protection than it is about a genuine wish for solitude.
Shifting your perspective is key. Instead of focusing on how different or disconnected you feel, try broadening your perspective. What opportunities for connection are you overlooking? Are there ways to engage that don’t feel as daunting? Belonging doesn’t have to mean fitting perfectly into your surroundings—it can be about finding small moments of connection, even in unfamiliar places.
Another important part of breaking the loneliness cycle is being mindful of where you seek connection. Not every place or person can offer the belonging you crave, and trying to find it in the wrong environments only leads to frustration. Being mindful of this means analyzing who and what spaces can truly nurture your connection and recognizing when certain places or people cannot.
Accepting Loneliness as Part of Life
Loneliness is a part of the expat experience and it’s important to accept it as such, but it doesn’t have to define it. By recognizing the role your thoughts and mindset play in shaping how you feel and how you act, you can begin to change your relationship with loneliness. When you start to see your loneliness as part of a larger process, one that includes growth and self-discovery, you create space for change. Connection doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s the small, intentional steps—saying yes to a coffee invitation, reaching out to someone new, even starting a conversation in a language you’re still learning—that can slowly help you create your own sense of belonging. The journey of belonging is less about finding the perfect fit and more about learning to be open to connection.
And remember, the loneliness you feel now is not just about where you are—it’s also about the stories you carry with you. As you learn to recognize these stories and break away from them, you open up new possibilities for connection, growth, and belonging.
Sarah Turc
Psychologist